rrunthegun

"Sometimes you'll never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

Category: Realizations

Thank You

November 23, 2016

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1.I may not show it as often as you would like me to, but I really do appreciate all that you have done and continue to still do for me. Though your ways of showing your care might be unorthodox, I do recognize it. I am thankful to have such a wonderful, strong, and kind-hearted person like you in my life. Your love goes unmatched, and I could never trade a life being anybody else but yours. I love you!

2.So, we don’t always get along – everyone knows this. We bump heads like two bulls fighting. Our differences limit our peace together, but I’m glad we are able to spend quality time through little moments that mean a whole lot to me. I enjoy our moments of silence and on-the-floor laughters. Yes, we’re not always on the same page, but I know you love me, and I hope you know how much I do love and respect you. Your hard work and support do not go unnoticed. I love you!

3.I doubt you a lot. I don’t always believe you. And I don’t always acknowledge some of the things you say and do.. just because the majority of the time I think I know you can do and become better in situations that challenge you. These are all crappy, but one thing about you that I do love is that I can trust you with pretty much anything. Trust does not come easy nowadays, and I thank God for blessing me with someone I can always count on regardless of any circumstances. I love you & I love us!

4.I can’t help but to smile and laugh when I think about you and where we are now. I can’t help but to be excited for what I like to say the “Beautiful Comeback.” I can’t help but to just, be in awe. I am so glad you are back in my life. And I hope you’re as glad and excited as I am for me to be back in yours, because it has been a while my “dear dear friend.” Thank you for not giving up on yourself, because I really can’t imagine a life without you. So, thank you for returning back into my life at a time where a light like yours was most needed in my life. You make me feel like “I’m back,” and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I missed you. I missed us. And I’ve never really said it, but know that I absolutely love you.

Oh, and thank you for keeping up with me through all these erratic ups & downs. I know it has been quite difficult and confusing between the two of us, but know that I could only be doing this with you & no one else. So, thank you for keeping up with my shit. As you already know, I’ll be keeping up with yours too. Love you!

5.I am thankful for you. Thankful that you opened my eyes at the most inconvenient of times; thankful that you momentarily defeated me. I am thankful that you made my life a huge giant question mark. You terrified me, but I overcame the obstacles you threw. You were a kryptonite – you made me weak. You were also the thing to strengthen me; you helped me realize that I could and should never settle for practicality. I could and should never compromise with myself. So thank you. Thank you for showing me lust, love, anger, and hope. Thank you for forcing me to feel what I was hiding for years. Thank you. Thank you.

6.Thank you for always being there for me. I know in the past years I wasn’t always there for you when you needed me, but I’m glad I was able to explain myself as to why I couldn’t. I really do appreciate you. I’m thankful to know someone that knows everything about me. You’re always very accepting of my decisions and everything that I do, I honestly can’t thank you enough for it. Hoping we’ll be in each other’s lives for a very very long time!

7.Where do I even begin. I just want to say how much of an impact you have made in my life, first of all. We have so many shared stories, so many beautiful memories, and so many unforgettable moments. You have given me a thing I still have yet been able to articulate and explain – it’s all the good and all the bad that have brought me here today. You really were something special. We had a bond that was unlike anything else, and it is something that cannot be replaced, even if I wanted to. Your humor uplifts me, your kindness inspires me, your compassion moves me. I hope you continue being the person I learned to adore and love. I wish you the happiness I failed to provide, the support I couldn’t give, the trust you couldn’t find. I wish you the things you weren’t able to grasp in the past years, so from here I say to you, how thankful I am for welcoming me into your life and allowing me to experience a love I wanted to love. Thank you, for all the best and the worst, the beautiful and the ugly, the firsts and the last. My PB, you will forever be a part of me. How lucky I am to have known somebody that was so hard to say goodbye to.

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Hello, 2014. Adieu, 2013.

January 6, 2014

_______________________

“Whatever you are, be a good one.”- Abraham Lincoln

Welcome, 2014.
I hope you will bring joy and laughter.
I hope you are nothing more than enough, and
nothing less than plenty.
I hope you are sweet.
I hope you are one to change lives;
I hope you are as beautiful as my childhood;
I hope you learn from the years before,
and I hope you live for the years ahead.
I hope you are good.
I hope you to be great,
and I hope you to be extraordinary.
May you illuminate the collection of memories
I will bear,
and let it be a light to the obscure.
I hope you, 2014, become a year
I will look back, and long for immensely
in the mysterious years to follow.

And 2013,
Thank you.

Thank you for all that you have been to me.
Thank you for the tears shed,
and the laughter shared.
Thank you for all the losses,
but most of all,
thank you for the great gain.
Thank you for the unexpected epiphanies,
therefore, thank you for all the foolish mistakes.
Thank you for the memorable experiences,
and the people whom I shared the many experiences with.
Thank you for the spontaneity,
and first time adventures I will forever cherish.
Thank you, 2013,
for being such a pivotal year I will never allow escape my memory.

The curtain falls for you.

 -RachelRundengan.

Thank You:

Thank You

November 28, 2013
____________________________

1. Though at times it seems almost as if you don’t try to do better or become a better figure, I know you do. I know you try despite the stubbornness you sometimes portray as an indication of authority. And I understand that sometimes you have to say “no”, or you have to be more stern, and be more authoritative,
And that is something I still have to learn to understand after how many years of rejecting your ways of caring. I probably will never understand your perspectives on life, but I will never shun the very fact that you love me so. With that said, Thank you. & I love you!!

2. You are a tough one. You have always been one of the most challenging person in my life. I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing, but I will never give up on you. I may ignore, avoid, hide and bury subjects and matters that need to be discussed with you, and I know I shouldn’t do that, but it’s overwhelming trying to understand and change the minds of a rock. But like I said, I won’t give up on you. And I know you won’t give up on me. I know you will never give up on me. I just know it. And through all the bullshit I put you through sometimes, Thank you so much for always being there regardless of my shitty attitude I have towards you. I love you!

3. I obviously love you! I have nothing much to say but to appreciate your lame ways of being considerate and all that weird things that you do. Nothing will ever change my mind about you….Because there’s no need to change something that’s already forever set in stones. You will forever be my one and only S.
Thank you for conveniently always being there for me. If that even made sense.

4. I cannot even begin the gratitude I have towards you. It honestly is so overwhelming for me to even try to understand how much I love you. You have been nothing but help in my life; you were always there when I needed you- with the random, late night venting sessions, or venting texts, or whatever things that would help me get through unwanted situations, you were there. You were there then, and I only hope you will forever be there later. I truly am blessed to have you in my life. And again, no words will ever be perfect enough to describe the love and appreciation I have for you. You, truly are a gift. And never have I been so surprised by a gift already unwrapped, made especially for me. I love you so damn much.
Thank you for helping me unravel the best part about love.

5. Honestly, there’s not much to say. You’re my best friend. I know you already know even without having me say or declare anything. We have our bumping head moments, but we get it. We get each other. We understand each other, & it’s not awkward to directly confront one another. And that’s how I know you’re my best friend. We just get things. And that is something that is very hard to come by nowadays. With that, I Thank you. I thank you for being a best friend of “unspoken years.” HAHA!

6. Thank you. Thank you for things you’ll probably never know. Thank you for years of laughter. Thank you for never abandoning me even through all the struggles I put you through. Thank you for never once doubting me. Thank you for always putting me first, and never for once, last. Thank you for giving me the confidence I needed. Thank you for the years of comfort, and thank you for your constant love. I hope one day, you will find someone who loves you as much and more than you can ever fathom. And I hope she is everything that you are, and I hope, truly truly hope, that the love you‘ll give, will be the love you get.
Thank you for everything. You truly are a fighter.

7. !!!! -______-; I don’t even know what to say. I barely even see you. And we barely even talk. But somehow, we’re always just so cool together [considering already how crazy I am, and how incredibly awkward you are]. Thank you for helping me through what is known to be one of the most difficult things I had to do this year. Heck, ever. Your shit talking to me is always refreshing and needed. And I cannot thank you enough for your loyalty. You are one my closest closest closest friends whom I hold very dearly. Seriously dude, Thank you. Hugs*

8. Thank you for happening. You are the one thing I wished had never happened. But it did. I am not pleased by the my past actions, but I am no longer in control of what already is. I don’t want to thank you for what I did. But I guess I can thank life for the failure of my actions. But a simple question so life-changing, threatened my beliefs, and THAT made me realize how unhappy I was. And I am not proud of what I did, but I guess I have you to thank, to help me realize exactly what it is that I want. And as a result to everything thing that happened, I have more than what I want. I have what I need.
And as much as I seriously do not want to thank you, thank you.
Thank you for being a valuable lesson.

9. Thank you for the years of friendship. Though it is not pure and honest, it is still valued to me. I love and care for you so much more than you think. And I think I underestimated myself by thinking I somehow could live without you, but clearly, I cannot. You are so smart, so beautiful, so funny, and so geeky, and I wished you see that in yourself. I wish you quit comparing yourself to those around you because you have everything you need to become the woman you wish to become. I wished you understood that the things that fail in your life are the things that are supposed to challenge you as a person, to not only be a victim to their mistakes, but also yours. Those are key factors in bettering your shaky relationships with those you’ve always doubted. We may not have the best of friendship, but I know that the years of growing up together, is stronger than the crap we are and will have to go through. I’m not always good to you, and you to me, but at the end of this tedious yet relevant journey of the pit of our friendship, I still value you. And I hope you never doubt that.

10. Thank you for holding my hands when there was no one else to hold. Thank you for showing me the light with your smiles just at the break of dawn of my defeat. Thank you for your guidance and gentle care.
I promise you from the bottom of my heart that I will take care and love you like I’ve never before. I promise you that when those beautiful hands first rest on my mine, I will cherish the warmth, and remember the hope it gave me when I was at my most fickle state. You are everything I never thought I would wish for, and I thank God everyday since, for the glimpse of your beautiful embrace. And I thank God everyday, for blessing me with the man who will help me find you. I love you beyond love itself.
The both of you.

11. There’s no one greater than You.
I genuinely am so thankful to have You in my life.
Wherever life takes me, I know You are there guiding me;
Helping me; Loving me.
With everything I have put You through,
Thank You, for Your unconditional Love.
Thank You for never leaving me.

+

“Everything Happens For A Reason.”

November 21, 2013

_________________________

You know how sometimes certain things just trigger you more than any other times? Say, for example, a quote: “Everything happens for a reason.” It’s a common, well known quote that not everyone agrees on or is fond of. But perhaps one day, a quote so cliche as that, all of a sudden made sense. Why? Why now? Because now you can relate. Now you understand that life is not always sweet; it has its bitter days and sour moments. Now, now you know that if it weren’t for your parents failed marriage, your father’s lack of attention, your family’s lack of understanding, your best friend’s betrayal, your ex’s shortcomings, your inability to trust, you would not be where you are right now. And where you are right now may not be paradise, but for the first time in a long time, you feel as though the weight on your back has finally been lifted. You’re content. You’re smiling, you’re laughing, you’re breathing.

No, it sure as hell is not paradise, but it sure is better than where you were before. It’s real, and it’s happening now.

 “Everything happens for a reason“, they say.

 Believe it.

Because it does.

Exposed.

I can’t control these unwelcome feelings of vulnerability.

I can’t control the facts that have formed the inescapable truth.

I can’t control the constant battle between logic and faith,

emotion and authenticity.

I cannot and will not control what is the most honest of myself.

To feel, to know, to grasp.

To allow  myself  be consumed of what can kill.

Because at the end of this long, tedious, sensational journey I call life,

I know what kills, is worth the sufferings of hundred years.

I can’t control it.

Why should I?

-RachelRundengan.

A Word To Self.

Words of Advice:

In anything that requires commitment, always do your best.
Give 102% without hesitation & fear, but always know what is yours. So that one day, if perhaps everything goes awry, you are not left abandoned with the emptiness you have allowed yourself to undergo.

History Is Present.

April 2nd, 2013

______________________

They say we need not to worry about the past, for the past is history. 
But who are we if it weren’t for our past? 

History, as defined in the dictionary, is the aggregate of past events. 
We are what we were. Or what we used to be.
As perplexing and complicated as that might sound, it is simple.

If it weren’t for our minor falls and major victories, our misfortunes and sweet lucks,  surely, we would not be where we are today. 

Every decision one makes, opens a new, pristine route to his/her awaiting fate. 

The history of each of us as individuals is unique. We all come from different backgrounds, stories, and places. Though we have similarities and common history with many [especially those we have surround ourselves with], we are still, at the end of the day, one-of-a-kind individuals. Spare a moment to peek into the history of your family, friends, significant other, and or even strangers, and discover them.

And for that very reason, I say, delight yourself in what has been done and completed. Don’t listen to those who advise you to just live in the present. Because as real and “now” as the present is, it has been severely infected by the past. It is contagious. And it is inescapable. 

It is imperative that we understand and remember the past, for history does repeat itself. Though people and things of the world change over time, we are bound to exhibit a little of our past; the horrible habits, the irksome attitude, and the impulsive behavior. Observe them. We are all (in honor of the days gone by), whether you like it or not, unstable. We are sickly affected by the once upon a time.

So study your yesterdays.
Learn the history of your surroundings. Swim in it, but don’t drown. 
Bask it in, but don’t live it. 
Explore the bitter memories and enjoy it. Remember the great fall and take comfort in it. 
Reflect on the unforgivable mistakes and learn from it.

Live in the ever-changing present, but revel in the unwavering past, for the history reveal what this moment cannot. 

The truth.

-RachelRundengan.

As An Observer.

I’m just going to throw this out there as simple and bluntly as possible.

I have always been an involuntary observer; It’s aggravating to most, and fascinating to one [myself]. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so much of a sponge that absorbs every detail of every person’s character, but I am, and here’s what I have acquired from years of observing.

Many people are too busy living their lives always trying to impress others with words and actions that are eventually going to turn to shit.

For whatever reason that gives people the desire to over-impress by doing things that would make a mockery of oneself’s moral compass/principles, it sure is a shame too see all that hard work of one’s pseudo-impression plummet in a matter of a single truth.

Separate Dreams.



October 29, 2012
_____________________________
Thoughts evolving into words unspoken.
 The questionable questioned, the unanswered remains.
 Darkness invaded the luminous road,
 Ending the quest of two lovers dream.
 The ambiguity has mislead the pathway, the silence has destroyed it.
 Actions intended for the best, taken and received as the worst.
 Silence thought to be gold, discovered only to be dull.
 Stories untold became the tragedy of the fleeting existence.
 The winding road may be bleak.
 The darkness may have intervened.
 The silence may be deadly, the unknown a mystery.
 Winter turns into spring, summer came and brought us here.
 Autumn leaves, autumn nights, whispering wind, hold it tight.
 Pure (six) years of cinematic love story,
 Came to a halt in hopes for improvements.
The future, we’ll never know.
 The past will never go.
 Today is yesterday’s tomorrow
 Let the roads end the sorrow.
 Start fresh, start anew,
 Separate lives, chasing dreams.
 One day if true
 Still lovers, it seems,
 To be apart is to return back fully whole
 For lovers dream will find again, its one true soul.
<3+

 –RachelRundengan.

Fleeting Moments.

After my Euro trip in 2010, I can’t seem to go through my day without looking at a particular photo [shown above] my sister had taken of me in Rome, Italy. Standing in front of Fontana di Trevi, with my back against the world, as I made my thought-out wishes. It was a moment I wasn’t fully ready to let go now that I think about it. I don’t know what it was, but as I was making my thousand and one wishes, I felt as though I was departed from reality- and it was nice. I opened my eyes, tossed my coins over my left shoulder & I felt….new. I know, I know, “Rachel you sound lame and dramatic!”, but I’m actually pretty damn serious. Hence the reason why I couldn’t go on my day without depressing myself over the perfect photo my sister had taken of me. Everybody has their moments, and the interesting part about it is that some people wait for “big moments” to alter their life when in reality, at the end, those little brief moments are the ones that will transform and revamp a person’s life instantaneously. Recently, I have found myself steered into a different direction, and another of this moment sure would help me get back on that route I was in. So please, God of Fleeting Moments, reveal yourself to me. I’m desperado for a coin toss.

Auld Lang Syne.

Ever since I was a wee little lass, I’ve always had an odd and obsessive fondness towards the infamous song/poem written by a Scottish poet named Robert Burns called “Auld Lang Syne”; a ubiquitous song famously known to be played and chanted after the countdown to zero for the New Year.

A few days ago, I had watched a rented movie from Redbox called New Year’s Eve; a movie about moving on and into well, you guessed it- the new year. In the movie, Lea Michelle, also known as the star of the hit TV show Glee, Rachel Berry, covered one of the most beautiful renditions of “Auld Lang Syne” at the end of the movie. It’s quiet embarrassing to admit the fact that for somebody who claims to fancy the song, has nothing close to an idea of what “Auld Lang Syne” signified. Yes, I didn’t know the significance of  the song until I read the subtitles in the movie as Lea Michelle sang the song, and of course, with a little of online research to clarify its meaning. Finally, years after being unacquainted to something I fancy, I now love the song 101% times more with the knowledge that “auld lang syne” means “times long past”. The lyrics to me are delicately beautiful in a way that it subtly speaks to everyone individually about the love and kindness of  the days gone by. 

I’ve realized after watching this movie, and being taken off guard by a minute speech presented by a character in the movie played by Hilary Swank, I’ve entered the new year as bitter as a cup of black coffee. I feel as though I had entered the new year hoping for the best but  constantly preparing for the worst. It’s not easy for me to let go of the past when I mentally train myself to always remember the traumatizing events that had happened that scarred me deep enough to prevent me to not let go; deep enough that I won’t let go. My troubles are maybe minor to spectators, but the truth is, pain is pain. Isn’t that what makes us all alike after all? “Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.” [H. Jackson Brown Jr.], is that not the truth? It’s definitely not easy to let bygones be bygones, but at the same time, why not? Why is it that we struggle so much to aforethought, future problems that we forget about everything else? It’s difficult, but it’s not impossible. The aforementioned speech delivered by Hilary Swank in the movie was a perfect speech about letting go and moving forward. A perfect speech of auld lang syne.

“…it’s (the ball) suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by.

To remember both our triumphs and missteps, our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt. Because that’s what new year is all about — getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what would be. 


So when the ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let’s remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long.”

As we go on about our days, let us pause and reflect the times that were, and the times that could, for auld lang syne.